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FAF – Chapter 4: The Big Bad Boulder Pad

Big Bad Boulder Pad

The Story of The Big Bad Boulder Pad

Lil Red grew up in a family of climbers, she was crushing the boulders in the forest around their cabin by the age of ten and for her 17th birthday she got a letter from her grandmother telling her to come visit and they would go on a climbing trip together.

She packed her bags and the new Tenaya Oasis she got from her parents. Strapping her Swank Board to the outside of her backpack she announced to her parents that she was ready to hit the road. “Beware out there” her mother warned, “there are many dangers for a young crusher on the road”.

Lil Red started down the track to the cottage where her grandmother lived, the forest was dark and broody as she walked, the overcast sky leaving poorly defined shadows on the leaves that littered the path. As she crunched her way closer and closer to grandmother, a fearsome predator stalked her through the trees.

She came to a clearing and there among the boulders was a man sessioning a few boulders. “Hey there” said the woodcutter’s son, “are you sure you should be traveling alone on these trails, there are many dangers about”. “Pfffft” said Lil Red, “I’m on my way to grandmother’s, we’re going on a climbing trip! See ya later”. Unseen ears pricked up at the words and slunk into the undergrowth. 

The Big Bad Boulder Pad

Always be ready, you never know when it might strike

Knock knock! The sound of the knocker startled Grandmother, Lil Red must be hustling she thought, she’s quite early. She went to open the door and there stood the biggest, baddest boulder pad she’d ever seen. The pad unbuckled itself and swallowed poor grandmother in one piece. The pad dressed up in grandmother’s downie with a five panel cap and tucked itself inside her bed.

Almost Getting Psyched Out

She arrived at her grandma’s cottage and when she went inside she saw her grandma in the bed. “Wow grandmother, you’ve really been training for this trip haven’t you? What big biceps you have!” she said. “All the better for spotting you my dear” said the Pad. “And what big eyes you have!” “All the better for seeing those small crimps my dear” said the Pad. Something in Lil Red’s mind gave a start, she knew grandmother was a fiend on the slopers and hated the crimps. She looked a little closer, “what big teeth you have”. “All the better for snacking on some lekker biltong between burns” said the Pad.

Lil Red grabbed her Swank Board and klapped the pad over the head one time! “My grandmother is a vegan!” she shouted as she knocked him out with a swing Ernie Els would be proud of. She pulled off the covers and gasped! Her grandmother was in the big bad boulder pad! She undid the buckles and her grandmother rolled out. 

Sending with Grandmother

“Sjoe, thanks for saving me Lil Red, this pad sure is bad!” They bundled the pad up real tight and strapped it to the roof of the car. “I’ve got just the punishment for it” said grandmother. “We’ll rent it out at the Pakhuys, that’ll teach it a lesson. We’d better finish getting ready for this trip, I’ve got some lovely vegan burgers for dinner on the road. Those problems in Rocklands aren’t gonna wait all year you know”.

A little wink from Grandmother was all Lil Red needed to know that everything would be okay. “Okay Grandmother, let’s get going, you must see my project list, it’ll literally blow your mind.” “I can’t wait” said Grandmother as they rolled into the sunset. 

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